


Conviction

by LulaMadison



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Character Death, Dark, Gen, Punishment, Self Harm, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 08:59:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LulaMadison/pseuds/LulaMadison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I anon posted this back in May, but it had a lot of errors, so I have cleaned it up considerably from it's original form and posted it here.</p><p>Despite outward appearances this is not a Woobie Loki fic. Please note that this is quite dark, with character death, injury, self harm, suicidal thoughts, blood, violence and gore (although most of that happens 'off camera' as they say) so if that will upset you please don't read :-)</p><p>It was written for <a href="http://norsekink.livejournal.com/6119.html?thread=10584807#t10584807">this</a>  prompt on Norsekink: "After Loki falls from the Bifrost Odin finds him and brings him home. Stripped of his powers and imprisoned in the dungeon, Loki protests in the only way he can – by self harming and refusing food in an attempt to starve himself to death."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Thor brushed a thumb over Loki’s temple, trying to ignore the wet, raspy breath rattling in his brother’s chest, and ran a hand down his cool cheek. He’d lost count of the number of days he had lain here, on the floor of the dank dungeon cell, trying to keep Loki safe from his own ruined mind, which had driven him to attempt to end his own life.

“I will not allow you die here, brother,” Thor said, as he ran his fingertips lightly over the crusty self-inflicted scratch marks on Loki’s neck. “We must leave now.”

 

 

When Thor had brought Loki back to Asgard, he had expected the punishment to be harsh, but he had not expected it to end with his brother’s arms bandaged to prevent him from inflicting further wounds upon them, and reduced to nothing more than bones wrapped in thin skin.

Barton and Stark had been brought to Asgard to bear witness, so they could return home and confirm that justice had been done for the crimes Loki had committed against Midgard. Stark agreed to witness the punishment because he wanted to run a few surreptitious scans on Asgard tech, and Barton because he wanted to see Loki pay for what he had done, for the lives he had forced him to take, but both had regretted the decision when they had seen the punishment inflicted, and the injuries it caused.

Loki had taunted them viciously as he was dragged out, and forced to kneel before a post in a cave like courtyard, in the dungeons deep under the palace.

“How flattering, you have come to witness my punishment?” he had said, as his hands were tied to the post with rough rope.

“Absolutely,” Clint replied.

“Oh Agent Barton, I’m very disappointed in you, where is your loyalty now? Are you really the same person who killed so readily on my behalf?” Loki said, with a sneer. “And you Stark, have you come to see me pay for murdering your poor friend? He squealed like a piglet being ripped from its mother’s teat when I stabbed him. He begged for his life, and died with such dishonour.”

Tony said nothing, his mouth drawn into a thin tight line, and Clint replied, “I’m looking forward to hearing you scream.”

“I’m afraid you've had a wasted journey, if that is what you expect to happen here.”

A guard appeared carrying a large pair of shears, he grabbed a handful of Loki’s dirty hair and yanked his head back roughly, then began to cut. He discarded the hair on the floor, and grabbed another handful, shearing it off and continued until Loki was left with only 2 inches of hair covering his pale scalp.

“Thank you,” Loki sneered. “It was becoming rather unruly anyway.”

The guard pushed his head roughly, but Loki did not struggle as his armour was cut from his upper body, instead he grinned poisonously at Clint and Tony as he was stripped, and took great pleasure in the gasp that slipped from Stark when the last of his clothing was removed, and they saw the multitude of scars that crisscrossed the pale skin of his back.

Thor moved across the courtyard, and pushed the guard out of the way. He gently ran his fingers across his brothers back, and said, “Loki… When did this happen?”

“The Chitauri were not kind masters, Thor.”

“They did this to you?” he asked. “Why would they do such a thing?”

“You know me, always so full of lies and tricks and deceit,” Loki said, then he turned and looked Thor in the eye. “Don’t you think I deserved my punishment there too?”

Thor paused, contemplating the madness that shone in his brother’s eyes, then he walked back to Odin, and said, “We cannot do this. It must be called off.”

“The sentence stands,” Odin declared. “It will be carried out now.”

“Have you not seen what they have done to him?” Thor argued. “He has gone mad. To do this while he is ill would be cruelty.”

“We are on the brink of war,” Odin said firmly, but quietly, so no one else present in the dungeon could hear. “The Jotuns demanded his head for what he did, but they have accepted this as his punishment. If we do not carry it out they will find a way to take him, and they will put him to death. This is the only way to keep him safe from them, and the Chitauri.”

They watched as Loki’s back was flayed open with a whip made of delicate Uru threads, each of the 20 strikes ripping his flesh and skin away in long ribbon like strips. Loki had not made a sound until the tenth strike, which hit across his lower back, carving a gouge down to the bony process of his spine, and once he screamed he found he could not stop.

 

 

Thor had protested when Odin had denied Loki access to the healing rooms, pointing out that the ancient enchantments in the dungeons, so powerful that only Odin himself could break them, would prevent the healers from casting their spells, but his father would hear nothing of it. He carried Loki back to his cell after the punishment, and helped tend to his wounds, but all the healers could do was provide clean bandages and simple salves to prevent infection.

Loki had not spoken for some time after his punishment. As the wounds had closed, and healed, he had taken to sitting in the corner of his cell and glaring at Thor with unreserved contempt, without ever uttering a word.

“You must eat, Loki,” Thor had said, as he saw that the meagre rations his brother had been given on a tray had not been touched again. “You will make yourself ill if you do not eat.”

“And why would that matter?” Loki asked, quietly.

Thor smiled at the sound of his brother’s voice, unheard for so long. “It would matter to me. I do not wish to see you suffer.”

“I am already suffering,” Loki said. “I would rather die at the hands of the Chitauri than spend an eternity here.”

“You cannot mean that,” Thor said.

Loki did not reply, and instead he had dragged his coarse, thin blanket off the bench, and pulled it over his head.

 

 

Thor had received word that his brother was injured and as he charged down the passageway, Loki’s screams echoed off the stone walls, and spurred him on to run faster.

“What is the meaning of this?” Thor shouted as he entered the cell, and pulled one of the guards from his brother’s back.

“He hurt himself again, your highness,” the shocked guard said. “We have called for a healer, but he would not stop.”

Thor grabbed Loki from behind, pulling him from the ground, wrapping his arms tightly around him, then sat on the bench, forcing Loki to settle onto his lap, with his back against his chest, and his arms pinned tightly to his sides.

“You must relax brother,” Thor said, as Loki’s chest heaved, and tears streamed down his face. “You must calm yourself.”

He rested his head against Loki’s back, listening to the hammering of his heart within his body, and waited for it to slow.

“Why have you done this?” Thor asked, observing Loki’s broken bleeding, right hand.

The only sound in the room was Loki’s stuttering breath, and finally he choked out a few words. “I cannot live like this any longer.”

“You are safe here, brother.”

“I do not wish to be safe. I wish to be dead.”

“You do not mean that, Loki,” Thor said, his cheek still pressed against his brothers back. “You are ill, you know not what you say.”

“I want to see father.”

“He will not let you out.”

“I will to ask him to change my punishment,” Loki said. “I wish to be executed instead.”

Thor pulled his head back. “I would not allow it. I could not bear to lose you like that, do not say such things.”

“You are condemning me to rot down here for an eternity then,” Loki replied. “I cannot do it. I will kill myself, and you will not be able to stop me.”

Before Thor could answer, the healer arrived at the cell door; she entered and knelt in front of them. “How may I serve, your highness?”

“My brother has hurt his hand, and requires your assistance,” Thor instructed.

The woman inspected Loki’s hand, running her fingers across the back of it, then she said, “The bone is broken, and out of place. It will have to be put back in place, and it will be quite painful.”

“Good,” Loki said.

“Brother…” Thor groaned.

“You can hold his hand?” the healer asked. “I must pull to reset the bone.”

Thor nodded, keeping one arm round Loki’s body, and holding his wrist with the other. The woman took hold of Loki’s fingers, and pulled.

Loki’s body went rigid as a grating sound came from his hand as the bones moved back into alignment, then he whimpered in pain as the woman let go.

“It is over now brother,” Thor said, loosening his grip on Loki’s wrist, and running a comforting hand down the back of his head. “It is over.”

Loki, noticing that Thor was not holding him so tightly, wheeled round on his knee and punched the wall of the cell as hard as he could, then screamed in agony as the broken bone in his hand shifted again and pierced through his skin.

 

 

After he had broken his hand Loki had become quiet and unpredictable. Some days he would sit and do nothing, others he would bang his head against the bars of his cell until blood poured down his face. His fingernails were trimmed to stop him scratching himself until he bled, and his gag was replaced briefly after he had bitten a piece a flesh from the inside of his own wrist.

As a last resort they had tied him the bench, but Loki had twisted and turned under the ropes until they bit into his skin and left him a bloody mess. They tried sleeping draughts that left him slumbering for days at a time, but Thor could not bear to see the confused look in his brother’s eyes when he woke, and he had begged his father to end Loki’s punishment.

“Father, please, you have to let Loki out of the dungeons,” Thor pleaded. “It is killing him. It is killing _me_ to see him like this.”

“I cannot allow him to go free,” Odin said, with a pained look upon his tired face. “With his magic restored Loki would flee, the Chitauri and the Jotuns would hunt him down like an animal.”

“You think _this_ a better fate than being hunted?” Thor asked. “He's dying down there.”

“I cannot let him go,” Odin said. “He is my son, and I love him dearly, but he is a danger to himself, and to others, and the dungeons are the only place we can keep his magic contained. He must stay there, or we will be at war.”

Thor returned dejectedly to the cell, and dismissed the guards who were keeping watch, tasked with preventing Loki from injuring himself further. Thor lay on the blanket, and pulled his brother, who was little more than scarred skin and broken bones, into his arms, and gently stroked his hair, as Loki deliriously recited a useless healing spell under his breath.

“I will stay with you,” Thor said, as he wiped the light sheen of sweat from his brother’s face. “I will keep you safe.”

 

 

As Thor watched Loki struggle for breath he realised he could stand it no longer. His brother had awakened earlier and begged him to end his suffering, and as Thor ran a hand around his thin neck and gave a small squeeze, considering how easy it would be to end this right now, Loki had looked up at him with such gratitude that he could not carry out the act.

Loki was deeply unconscious when Thor wrapped him in a blanket and hefted him over his shoulder. He carried his brother out of the cell, down dark, and rarely used passageways, hoping he would not meet anyone along the way.

His plan had been to go to the stables, saddle his horse, and carry his brother far away into the forests, where he could recover in his own time, but as soon as Thor stepped out of the dungeons, Loki’s back arched, and he fell to the floor.

“You must be still,” Thor said as he bent down, to gather Loki back into the blanket. “I am taking you away so you can heal.”

Loki opened his red-rimmed eyes, and grabbed Thor’s wrist tightly. “Thank you brother.”

“You’re welcome,” Thor said, as he helped Loki to his feet.

Thor watched as golden light surrounded his brother, then gasped as he transformed before his eyes. No longer pale, and on the verge of death, but still little more than bones, and as the light faded Loki stood in his armor and helmet, restored to full power.

“No,” Loki said, with a grin pulling at his mouth. “Thank you for being _so_ easy to control.”

Loki drew his arm back, and punched his brother in the jaw, as a shower of green sparks erupted from as his hand, and Thor was flung back into a wall, landing broken on the ground. He could do nothing as he watched his brother vanish.

 

 

“Get out there and find him, NOW,” Odin shrieked across the healing room, when Thor awoke the next day, and then his face softened as he said, “Find him, before anyone else does, and bring him home.”

Thor collected the tesseract from the weapons vault, saddled his horse, and rode out to where Heimdall stood at the end of the broken bridge.

“Can you see him?” Thor asked.

“No,” the gatekeeper said, impassively, “but I can see the destruction he has wrought.”

“Where is he?”

The watcher stared ahead, looking into the distance, and said, “Midgard burns.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still warning for character death!

Smoke billowed from Stark Tower, and all around it the empty streets lay in ruins. The only sound that hung in the air was the crackling of flames, and the sound of buildings falling. A black layer of char carpeted the streets and floors of houses, the remnants of 8 million people, turned to ash.

Thor flew to the top of the tower, to search for the Avengers, but found only destruction in the large rooms where Stark had lived and worked. He fought his way through choking smoke, as he headed down through the building, hoping to find some sign of his friends, but found nothing except emptiness and aching silence.

He arrived down in the lobby of Stark tower, and moved towards the exit to head out into the street, but then he heard a sound, and turned to see an elevator door opening and closing.

Captain America’s shield lay discarded on the floor, cracked into three pieces. One piece jammed the door open, and the elevator walls were covered in black and red smears as if some strange battle had raged within it’s confined space. The shield that had survived a blow from Mjolnir without a scratch lay broken like a child’s toy, and Thor feared for his new-found friends.

 

He moved through the lobby and out into the street, his boots churning up the black ash with every step, and with no sound of battle to guide him, to show him where his brother, and the Avengers were, Thor was forced to wander aimlessly through the streets looking for signs of life.

An eerie stillness hung in the air as Thor crossed Central Park, and he noted that even the calls of birds in the treetops had fallen silent. He smelled something. The unmistakable tang of his brother’s magic caught somewhere in the back of his throat, the smell of death and chaos, and it drew him through the trees, until the sound of a cackle cut through him like a knife.

Thor raised Mjolnir as he came to the edge of the forested area, and saw Loki stood in the middle of a children’s playground, unmoving, as another peal of laughter echoed in the silence.

“I knew you would come. I knew you would come to try to tame me,” Loki said, then he turned, and said, “You should leave now, while I allow it. Unless you want to end your days, here, like the rest of your friends.”

Thor moved closer, to where Loki stood with a wild look gleaming in his eyes, and saw the bodies that lay before him in the sand, charred black, so twisted and deformed they were almost unrecognisable as human.

“Brother…” Thor gasped, lowering Mjolnir in astonishment. “What have you done?”  

“I have exacted my vengeance upon those who delivered me into the hands of my torturers.”

Thor looked at the bodies, four in all, one was different to the others, burnt black still yes, but parts of it had melted, and formed rivulets of now cold metal to pool around it’s twisted shell.

Thor’s mouth fell open, shocked to his core that his little brother could carry out such acts of evil. “Stark. You killed him? You killed them _all?_ ”

“Yes, I did,” Loki agreed, his fingers twitching.

“What army did you bring down this time?” Thor raged, as he moved closer and pushed Loki’s shoulder. “Who would help a defeated and disgraced  _villain_ like you?”

“There is no army,” Loki replied, then he moved his eyes to something that lay on the floor, under an elaborate red rope climbing frame. “This time not even the green beast could stop me.”

Thor moved to the side, and almost vomited at the sight that lay before him. The Hulk was lifeless and shredded in the sand, a hole in it’s stomach, insides spread across the ground in curling loops, it’s skin covered in scratch marks as if it was torn open by wild, ravening, animal.

“You did this?” Thor asked.

“You think me too weak?”

“No brother, I did not think you capable of such madness.”

“Oh Thor, I have only just _begun_ to realise what I am truly capable of, and I have you to thank for that.”

“I am sorry Loki, I love you, but I have to end this.” Thor said, then he raised Mjolnir, drawing lightning down, in crackling, deafening forks, and as the boom echoed through the dead city he gathered the power in, and aimed it at his brother.

Loki didn’t flinch. He raised his hand to the lightning, his palm absorbing the energy, it’s bright light curving around his body, and as Mjolnir was spent and the flow ceased, Loki began to laugh.

Thor raised Mjolnir, and charged towards him with a roar, preparing to strike, but Loki did not move, and as he swung the hammer down, Loki grabbed the handle. Thor’s eyes widened as he felt the flow of magic, a faint acrid smell drifted through the air, and then Loki plucked the hammer from his hand, and pushed his brother to the floor.

“How did you do that?” Thor asked, dumbfounded at seeing Loki wield the weapon that no other but him could lift.

“Enchantments were made to be broken,” Loki said, as he spun Mjolnir round in his hand. “You really think Odin is the only one capable of controlling such spells?”

Thor had never felt defeated before, but seeing his brother holding Mjolnir in his hand, with a spiteful grin fixed upon his face, made him feel like the world was coming to an abrupt end.

“I can see why you favour this weapon so much,” Loki said, and then he spun the hammer round in his hand one more time, and drew his elbow back. He felt electricity curl around his body, the smell of ozone in the air, and then he unleashed the green tinged lightning into the nearest skyscraper, and watched as the top floors exploded in a shower of glass and concrete, the lower floors collapsing under the weight and crumbling to the ground.

“Oh yes,” Loki said, with a laugh. “This will most certainly do.”

“If you plan to rule Midgard, why are you destroying it?” Thor pleaded. “Your quarrel is with me, do not punish the people of this realm. Let them live, brother. Take my life instead and let this be over.”

“Rule Midgard?” Loki spat. “Why would I want to rule Midgard when I can have the whole of the nine realms at my feet? You underestimate me, Thor. Once I have wiped out the ants that populate this realm, I will return to Asgard, and I will take the throne that is rightfully _mine_.”

“Father will not allow it,” Thor gasped. “He will send the army to defeat you.”

“Your father and his _pathetic_ army cannot stop me,” Loki said, furiously. “Now I have realised my true potential there is not a single being who could hope to challenge me.”

“You can end this now brother, please,” Thor pleaded. “Come home with me, we can talk to father, together.”

“And what punishment would be suitable now? Forty lashes? A hundred? Execution?” Loki seethed.

“We can explain to father that after what the Chitauri did you to you, you were not in your right mind, you were not to blame for what you did,” Thor said, and then his face fell as Loki began to smirk.

“The Chitauri?” Loki snorted. “As if they could lay a hand on me.”

“B-but your back.”

“Was nothing to do with them,” Loki said. “I knew what my punishment would be if the Chitauri failed their end of the plan, and I was caught. It was a simple matter to inflict the wounds myself painlessly, and then let them scar.”

“But why would you do such a thing to yourself?”

“Because _you_ are so predictable, and just like I knew you would not allow me to die in the dungeons, I knew you would attempt to talk Odin out of inflicting such a punishment on me again. It’s just a shame I overestimated your powers of persuasion.”

Thor stared up at his brother and wondered when he became the monster who stood before him. If he had the power to break the enchantment on Mjolnir was he now stronger than Odin? If he was, there was truly no one who would be able to defeat him, and Thor grieved for those who had died, and were about to die, at the hands of the one he called brother.

“Kneel,” Loki growled. “Kneel before me like the pathetic creature you are.”

“I will never kneel before you of mine own free will,” Thor stated, still sat on the floor where Loki had pushed him.

Loki grabbed Thor by the hair on the back of his head, and dragged him roughly across the ground as he shouted, “I said KNEEL!”

Thor was incapable of preventing himself from being pulled to his hands and knees under Loki’s powerful hold, and then he felt his brother run his hand down the side of his face, before settling to grip his chin firmly, in one feline gesture.

“I would always have you on your knees, brother,” Loki purred, “but now I possess Mjolnir, I have no need of you.”

“Then kill me, and be done with it, but do not tease me so.”

Loki tsk-ed, then said, “You know, he said I lacked conviction.”

“Who?” Thor asked, confused.

“Your friend, the one I killed, here on Midgard,” Loki said. “I never realised at the time, but he was right. I lacked conviction, I lacked belief in myself, and my right to rule, and something always held me back, but no longer.”

"Your plans have always failed, Loki,” Thor said. “They will fail again because your mind is disturbed. You will fail because you are mad.”

“Oh Thor, you poor _fool_ ,” Loki said, with a smile. “My plans failed because of the small shred of sanity that remained, and the ridiculous love that I once held for my so called _family_.”

He raised Mjolnir high into the air, and said, “But that’s all gone now, and there is nothing left that can stop me,” and Loki brought the hammer down onto his brother’s skull, crushing it with one wet strike.


End file.
